The Self-Worth Secret Gen X Hasn’t Discovered Yet: Why Chasing Success Isn’t the Answer
Let’s get right to it: comparison is a trap. A thief of joy. A sucker punch to our sense of self-worth. And for so many of us in Gen X, it’s become second nature. We’re out here living our lives, doing our best, but still looking around thinking, Why don’t I have what they have? Why don’t I feel as happy, successful, or fulfilled as they look on Instagram? Sound familiar?
But here’s what no one tells you: that sense of "not enoughness" you feel? It’s not coming from a lack within you. It’s coming from a lack of perspective on the whole story. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes, raw footage to someone else’s highlight reel. And that’s not just unfair—it’s exhausting. When you’re busy looking at someone else’s life, you’re taking your own attention, your own energy, and handing it over to a story that isn’t even yours. And guess what? Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Every minute you spend comparing yourself to someone else is a minute lost that you could be investing in your own life, your own growth, and your own unique story.
So let’s flip the script. Let’s ditch the comparison game. Here’s how to break the cycle, reclaim your self-worth, and start living a life that feels true to you.
Understand That Comparison is Based on Incomplete Stories
One of the biggest mistakes we make is judging ourselves against other people’s polished, filtered lives. Look around, and it seems like everyone’s got it figured out—perfect careers, thriving relationships, #blessed lives. But do we ever stop to think about how much we don’t see?
We’re comparing our real, messy lives to their highlight reels. That friend with the perfect marriage may be struggling just to keep it together. The colleague who’s always posting about their travels might be burning out from working 60-hour weeks. And that entrepreneur who “has it all”? They might be swimming in debt. Comparison is built on stories we don’t fully understand. What you see online isn’t reality; it’s an edited version meant to look good. So why use it as the measuring stick for your life?
Action Step: Next time you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, pause and remind yourself: “I don’t know the whole story.” Challenge the assumptions you’re making about someone else’s life. Odds are, their life has just as many ups and downs as yours.
Shift Your Focus Back to Yourself—Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows
When you’re constantly focused on other people, you’re taking energy away from yourself. And your energy is everything. It’s what drives you, fuels your passions, and allows you to keep pushing forward. Every moment you spend comparing yourself to someone else is energy you’re not investing in your own growth.
““Where attention goes, energy flows.””
As Mark Manson says, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” So why not direct that attention inward? Imagine what you could do if you took all the energy you’ve been spending on comparing and used it to improve your own life. Instead of looking outward for validation, start building it from within. Set goals that actually mean something to you—not goals that’ll look good in a Facebook update.
Action Step: Take a social media detox. Even if it’s just a week, give yourself a break from the constant stream of comparison. Use that time to focus on a personal goal, revisit a hobby, or just spend some time reflecting on what you want—not what everyone else seems to have.
Cultivate Internal Validation—You Don’t Need to Find Self-Worth, You Just Need to Own It
Here’s a powerful truth: self-worth isn’t something you need to go out and find. It’s something you already have, right now. You don’t need to look for it because it’s been there all along. The problem is, we’ve been conditioned to look outside of ourselves for validation. We’re taught to believe that our value is based on things like achievements, wealth, and recognition. But real self-worth? It doesn’t come from the outside. It comes from owning who you are and recognizing the value you bring to the table.
Think of it this way: there’s no one else out there with your unique combination of experiences, skills, and strengths. No one else who can bring what you bring. So why measure yourself against others? You already have something they don’t—yourself. You don’t need to measure up; you just need to embrace who you are.
Action Step: Start a daily habit of self-validation. Every day, write down one thing you value about yourself. It could be something small, like how you handled a tough conversation, or something big, like a quality you’re proud of, or the fact that you are freaking off the rails awesome. The point is to remind yourself regularly that your worth comes from within, not from someone else’s approval.
So, What Now?
Breaking free from comparison isn’t just about stopping a bad habit; it’s about creating a life that feels compelling, fulfilling, and worth living. Imagine what your life could be like if you weren’t just trying to keep up, but actively creating a vision for yourself so exciting that it blows up any comparison, any thought that you’re behind, any reason you “can’t.”
Here’s the thing: a powerful, thrilling vision isn’t just something that happens. It takes intention, courage, and sometimes, someone in your corner to help you dream bigger than you thought possible. That’s where a coach comes in. Great athletes need coaches. Great leaders need coaches. Great Gen Xers need coaches. I know, because I’ve got one myself. And I’m here to be that person for you.
If you’re ready to create a vision for your future that’s so powerful it pulls you forward every day, I’d love to help. Let’s dive deep, find your unique flavor of awesome, and build a future that’s entirely your own. Want to spend 45 minutes, no charge to you, on designing the life you’ve always wanted? Click this link and book a time with me. I’m here, in your corner, ready to help you take the next step.
Previous articles in this series:
Are Gen Xers Giving Up on Themselves? Why It’s Time to Reignite Your Lost Dreams Before It’s Too Late
Gen X And The ‘Not Enough’ Mindset: How To Break Free, Set Real Goals And Rock Your Future